So much to try and do!!
Knowing that I have a tendency to get REALLY overwhelmed, I have decided to really focus on two aspects while still keeping a weather eye on all the other bits and bobs: money health and physical health.
Both of these make me absolutely nauseated every time I think about them. They are the two areas of my life I would love to completely ignore and have disappear completely so that I would never have to worry about them again.
Yes. I am an ostrich.
Yet, I really do want to have a better relationship with both these things. I want to no longer be afraid to look at my bank balance and I want to no longer be afraid to look in the mirror. I am, honestly, not a person who runs from things. I might let things go until they are a giant mess, but I won't run from it. When the time comes, I'll pony up and deal with it.
Well, that time has come.
I have joined a group training class that starts in two weeks. Ten people, one personal trainer and 8 weeks. She has been running these groups for a while and takes into account all aspects of physical health - including one's relationship with food. I'm thinking that it will be fun - insanely fucking hard work - but fun. My two goals for this are to be in the habit of regular exercise and to be able to do 25 pushups. I can't do one right now and gods know I don't work out regularly.
No scale goals. Those are not allowed in my world anymore. They are very triggering for me and lead to depression, binge eating and self hatred. Yay for disordered eating!
I am also switching back to eating Paleo. I felt SO GOOD when I ate that way. Right now, I am at the "one meal a day" is strict Paleo. This week, I will transition to two meals a day on Paleo. Many people just go 100% right from the get go, but that kinda triggers my "I MUST BE PERFECT AT ALL TIMES" issues so, I ease in. Either way, I'm still eating much better than before as I am doing all my own cooking and using fresh foods and not processed stuff or fast food all the time.
I know I have to still fight my demons with this. But if Health is to be my word, I can't ignore this big part of my life that it does need to apply to.
As to the money, I am facing up to my shortcomings there and figuring out what to do about it. I make PLENTY of money to live on, I just never seem to have any. Apparently, when you don't pay attention to these things, you can just lose track of where money goes and what you spent it on. Crazy!!!
I've found a great budgeting software that works for me. At long last the whole idea of how to manage money is making SENSE. I know, it's not rocket science and I'm a smart girl but I have never, ever, in 40 years grokked the idea of a checkbook and how to balance it and how to pay things without getting overdrawn. I KNOW! Insanity. My first hubby wasn't great at it either.
But finally, this concept is revealing itself to me with the help of YNAB . They aren't paying me anything to say this - hell, they probably don't know I exist - but I just love their product and the people I have spoken to. The thing isn't that they have this great software (they do) or that its a one time purchase with no charges for upgrades (it is!) or that the price is great (it REALLY is!) but its that they freaking TEACH you the method. For. Free. Honest to Gods. You don't even have to buy the software and they teach you the method. YOU could do it on paper or in Excel if you wanted. They just honestly want you help you manage your money. Amazing.
And I promise you, if I can understand this, ANY. ONE. CAN. I can see how there will, at some point, be light at the end of the tunnel that isn't a pack of creditors coming for me with torches. Already, I feel better, simply just for knowing what's going on.
I guess the point is that I'm gearing up. Girding my loins. Gathering my tools. Setting some goals for my year. It's exciting, isn't it? The fresh possibilities that exist with beginnings are so small and pink and new in my hands. I can't wait to see what they will grow into with love and nurturing....
"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few"
-Shunryu Suzuki
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