Moving Ever Forward

Sheesh!  Where does the time go?

I'm two months in on this year of health and changes are being made...slowly.  I think that is okay though.  It seems that every time I try to make a lot of changes all at once that things fall apart more easily.  So, I'm making small steps.  In a lot of areas.   So this means that things haven't been perfect.  I"m not entirely sure why I think they WILL be perfect...but I am the eternal optimist.   Here's a bit of an update on all the areas of health I am working on right now:

Physical Health:  I love love love love love love LOVE my ResoLOSEtion group.  They keep me wanting to keep trying.  Plus, the workouts are just so much fun.  Well, okay...they're not like FUN, fun.  In fact, quite frequently I'm chanting "Fuck! FUCK! FUCK!' while doing them and wondering when thirty seconds became such an eternity.   But, I do find it fun to push myself and see my strength improve.  I _am_ a masochist after all!!   I have also found several group exercise classes I enjoy going and doing.   I'm not totally achieving 3 days a week at the gym on a regular basis yet, but I am trying - which is better than giving up and sitting on the couch.

I also love the book we are reading and have gotten a lot of valuable insights into my own eating patterns from it.  I'm not totally great at always implementing the strategies from the book with every meal but I am doing so more often than not.   I'm also cooking my own food more than ever and just enjoying my kitchen.  Gods I love cooking.  It is my zen time and my relaxation and my passion.  Even when I feel rushed I am able to enjoy the process.  I'm planning out meals every week and I'm eating better quality and better tasting foods overall.

Spiritual Health:  Well!  It's a bit of a crazy time in this regard.  The CUUPs group is up and going.  Our first public ritual was a great success.  It feels SO GOOD to be in ritual space on a regular basis.  And it is amazing to work with these (primarily) women who are so vibrant and rich with experience.  I am humbled to be included with them and that they might actually see me in the same light.  We are figuring the group dynamic out, which is what this first year is really going to be about from a "housekeeping" point of view.

In my own, personal, spiritual development and ritual space I am still not a daily practitioner of things (other than kitchen witch stuff) but I find that my life is....more filled with my faith than it has been before.  I'm coming out of the broom closet more and more - even to people at work whom I feel I can trust.  I am speaking, publicly, about my faith to people.  It's quite lovely to spread those wings a bit.


Financial Health:  These are the hardest habits to break.  Ugh.  But, I keep coming back to it and back to it. I will not give up.  There is no reason that I am unable to make this work other than long-ingrained habits of ignoring my money and being in a panic about it.  I am exploring why money makes me so anxious.  I feel that if I do some work as to the root of that emotion I may be able to soothe that part of me that has been so very very stressed about it.  Where my exercise habit benefits from a bit of "GET UP!  GET GOING!" kind of self-talk, the good money habits seem to freeze and freak out.   So, I think a bit of self care and loving kindness towards myself with this topic seems to be in order.  Should be interesting.


Relationship Health:  My family is...amazing.  It seems to me sometimes that a happy, joyful relationship with ones family is a rare thing in this world.   I am continually grateful for this.  Dunno how it happened exactly but I'm not going to question it.    My dearest STAG is....well...he is like the missing piece.  I cannot exactly put into words what he means to me and to my life.  He is the other half of my heart and a balm to any wounds I might still carry.  I am not afraid to tell him anything - even the things that my own self-doubt sometimes bring up.  He is an outstanding human being in so very many ways.  I love every minute I have with him and look forward to what the future holds.


Overall, I feel more myself than I have in a very, very, long time. Everything else, I believe, is secondary to that thought right there.  And everything I want to achieve in this year will flow from it.  I can only be me, luckily, I am in control of who that "me" is right now and who I will become.

"Never be bullied into silence.  Never allow yourself to be made a victim.  Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."

  ~Harvey Fierstein

I am the warrior...?

So, The Morrigan sez to me, she sez:  Remember when women were the warriors.


This past Sunday was the Imbolc/Brighnasa/Candlemas ritual for the CUUPs group I'm involved with.  As part of the ritual we did a guided meditation and during that time The Morrigan stopped by for a short visit, wherein she imparted the above little tidbit to me.

The Morrigan and I go back a ways to the time when I was nursing a very broken heart and spirit after a horrific breakup.   I was figuring out all the ways in which he (the former boyfriend) had emotionally and mentally abused me during our time together and was just....wrung out.   I was at a large reenactment and walking rather aimlessly through the shopping and I wandered into a stall where they had all kinds of stuff, including this statue of a powerful looking woman with a shield and spear with her face turned up defiantly and I had it in my hands before I really knew what I was doing.  I eyed the other statues for sale, especially the one of Brigid in her three forms around a cauldron but a voice in my head said that no, I needed the one I picked up.  I bought it without knowing anything about it other than that I needed it, and that is how The Morrigan and I became acquainted.   She's had my back ever since.

Yes, she's portrayed as a bit of a handful.  She's not necessarily kind, gentle and loving but she's ALWAYS honest and she'll call me on my shit.   She also wears totally hot leather pants and that biker jacket I've coveted for years but just doesn't look right on me no matter what I do.   The Morrigan reminds me to give my inner badass some time in the light.

So, while I was on my little journey and thinking about my year of health and how I was going to weave that into and around my life, The Morrigan shows up.   She was all "Yeah, weaving's nice but....you need to kick some ass too."  

And then she said "Remember when women were the warriors" which is TOTALLY something she would say, right?


I am keeping this in mind as I am heading to the gym and any time I feel my energy flagging in the middle of a workout it pushes me onward.  I am remembering how strong my body is and how awesome I feel after pushing myself through another hour of movement.   That little phrase is keeping me determined and moving forward with my physical goals for health.

Not to mention making me feel like a badass while I'm in the middle of my day.

"I am my mother's savage daughter/ the one who runs barefoot cursing sharp stones."

-from the song "My Mother's Savage Daughter" 

by Mistress Windreth Bergensdottir